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Flash Poll:   
11:11am 28/03/2014
  Is it better to take something for migraines, something for depression, and something for acne when all of those things are related to your menstrual cycle, or to take birth control that eliminates them but fucks with your heart and sex drive?

Basically what I'm saying is, one easy drug with a known and totally shitty set of side effects, or three more complicated drugs with theoretically fewer side effects?

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

03:30pm 03/05/2013
  They're sending haiku to Mars, but you can only submit one.

Red god in the night
Lead us from war to wisdom
Let shine Martian dawn.

That would be haiku number 1. Going to write a few more.

(slip on a banana peel)

Bad night.   
12:24pm 22/02/2013
  You know those nightmares that start with abduction and rape and then don't end after months of shaming and abuse from police officers and politicians and you finally manage to convince yourself that it's a dream because after half a year of fighting for your basic human rights your husband wakes you up?

Yeah. That one.

(slip on a banana peel)

Yesterday was a good day   
08:37am 29/02/2012
mood: cheerful
I know, it seems I almost only post tales of woe. But here's something good... yesterday!

First, thanks to the Guatemalan student who performs my oral Spanish exams en español on Skype, it looks like I just might pass my Spanish class. Turns out when I mentioned my blog last time around, he read it and he LOVES it. So now he's my new Guatemalan/Egyptian Jewish friend. Interesting dude.

Secondly, my OB was completely cooperative about my skipping the glucose intolerance test. I actually had a 28 minute long doctor's appointment yesterday. So pleasant!

Thirdly, I got a job offer! For real! My capstone project (sort of like a senior thesis) involves getting grant money for this local non-profit... and the grant money is going to be used to hire a full time volunteer coordinator. In November. You know, once I've spent the whole summer and most of the fall recovering from Baby X's arrival, and the girls have a pre-school routine. And they want me for the job! Salary! Benefits! A flexible schedule that allows telecommuting! A DAYCARE IN THE BUILDING! People I like! A job I can be really GOOD at!

I'm pretty thrilled. Now all I have to do is get them the funding. Which, as the executive director says, he's already got covered and he just has me and my team working on it for the educational experience.

So... yeah. Yesterday was a good day. :)

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

06:34pm 14/02/2012
  Got an email yesterday.

Some friends are getting divorced.

I've reached a point where nearly all my friends have paired off and essentially (if not legally) married.  This makes couple number two to split.

It was weird to be in a place where my friends were getting married.

It felt weird to be in a place where I was getting married.

It feels weird to be in a place where I'm having kids.

It feels weird to be in a place where my friends are having kids.

But it feels weirder than all that other stuff to be in a place in my life where my friends are getting divorces.  That's just a whole additional leap into accepting that I live in a stage of life I didn't expect to actually reach.  Because you know, being an adolescent is all about perpetual adolescence.

When do I get over that part?  When does it start feeling like every weird thing that happens to the people I know is just the stuff that's happening, and doesn't seem to signal some wave of change that will make everything different again?

...or does that pretty much describe all of life?

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

My cousin, the cop   
07:07pm 24/01/2012
  My mother's cousin is the person I frequently compare other people's MILs to. She's very well intentioned, if a little overbearing.

That said, I love her very much. And the things that make her dreadful are not. her. fault. They are the fault of a lifetime of horrific abuse.

I won't get into the details of that horrific abuse, suffice to say it's more terrible than you can possibly imagine.

For a hint of it, read this poem, which starts off about my mother, and her cousin's father.

At any rate, my great-uncle Lenny was a monster. He was also a cop.
His youngest son grew up to be, basically just like him. In monstrosity and in profession.

My mother's cousin never really told her own son about her family and her childhood.

Now? He's 18, and he's in his first year of college to become... a cop.

When he started expressing interest in this career, my mother's cousin asked me to tell him about her childhood and her family.

I hedged. Eventually I convinced my father to do it instead of me. He never did- he never had the chance.

And now my cousin- the 18 year old would-be cop- is using a blog post of mine as an excuse to finally show his true colors.

He wants to be a cop so he can throw his considerable weight around, be a big man. He thinks that the law is the law, and if that means arresting eighty year old cancer patients who use pot to ease their pain, then those old sick bastards deserve to go to prison.

He refuses to acknowledge that a police officer can be in the wrong.

...in short, he's really freaking me out. And I feel very strongly that I need to keep my promise to his mother and finally tell him about her childhood.

I just have no clue how to do that. Or when.

Or if it could possibly make any difference now.

(5 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

Still awake   
12:06am 02/08/2011
  I am intentionally staying up late.
Why? I'm not sure. But I've been ready to pass out for two hours.

...I am a terrible example.

Also, I am in need of better hydration. Today I substituted sour patch kids for water. Oops.

(1 unintentionally hilarious moment of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

This is why my brain hurts.   
07:53pm 05/06/2011
"Think "extended" breastfeeding (past 1 year) is wrong? Well, Michael Jordan was breastfed to age THREE. Same with Albert Einstein. Jesus Christ, even LONGER. The day YOU have six NBA Championship rings, a Nobel Prize in Physics and the ability to walk on water, we'll talk. Till then, put a cork in in it." ~Author Unknown

Just out of curiosity, where does it say that Jesus nursed until he was 3?

Its just an assumption about the time/era. I recall the Bible talks about Jesus birth and then picks up at age 12 we don't know anything about Him during those years.

Thank you so much for summing up what bothers me about fanatics of any stripe.

(4 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

Lea's Happy List   
10:54am 31/05/2011
mood: cheerful
I have a playlist of 114 songs that I've composed called "Lea's Happy List."

So when I want to have a good day, I have a whole day worth of music that just plain makes me happy that I can put on and listen to. All day. I just set it to random, and I hear, in random order, over 100 songs that make me happy.

The first fifteen songs this morning:

"No Diggity" - Blackstreet and Dr. Dre
"Hang On Little Tomato" - Pink Martini
"Home" - Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeroes
"Got To Get You Into My Life" - The Beatles
"The Problem With Saints" - 8in8
"Me and Bobby McGee" - Janis Joplin
"I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate" - Madeleine Peyroux
"Word Disassociation" - Lemon Demon
"New England" - Jonathan Richmond
"Novocaine for the Soul" - Eels
"Feelin' Groovy" - Simon and Garfunkel
"As Time Goes By" - Vera Lynn
"In the Halls of the Mountain King" - Edvard Grieg
"Lonely: 21st" - Akon
"Closing Time" - Semisonic

The last fifteen songs I'll hear this evening:

"Virtual Insanity" - Jamiroquai
"Can't Take My Eyes Off You" - Frankie Valli
"The World I Know" - Collective Soul
"Crazy" - Gnarls Barkley
"I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" - Vera Lynn
"In the Summertime" - Mungo Jerry
"El Tango De Roxanne" - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
"Roxanne" - The Police odd coincidence, no?
"Little Fluffy Clouds" - The Orb
"Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits" - The Magnetic Fields
"Panties Song" - Jac and Phil
"Shesmovedon" - Porcupine Tree
"Friday I'm In Love" - The Cure
"Extraordinary Machine" - Fiona Apple
"Evolve" - Ani Difranco
"Those Were The Days" - Mary Hopkinds

I am guaranteed a good day. :)

(slip on a banana peel)

Rocking. Hardcore.   
10:42pm 09/05/2011
  I know this is probably very dull for you, but I felt like sharing.

What I did today:
1. Make my kids french toast for breakfast
2. Took the girls to a play-date
3. Wrote a Becoming SuperMommy post while the girls napped
4. Did 3 loads of laundry
5. Sorted through (mostly) three months of old mail/assorted paper
6. Did the dishes
7. Swept the dining room. Twice. (thanks, grublings)
8. Cleared the dining room table. A feat that hadn't been accomplished yet this year.
9. Sorted out baby toys from toddler toys, and removed holiday themed toys for winter holidays
10. Bagged up 3 bags of garbage from around the house, 3 bags of recycling, and broke down about a billion cardboard boxes (now crammed into one box) to be recycled
11. Cleared up about half of the kitchen counters
12. Made dinner (out of a box tonight, but it was just for me so whatever)
13. Got featured on a MAJOR mom-blog network
14. Watered tomato plant
15. Collected and sorted/folded the week's diapers
16. Emptied/reloaded/ran dishwasher
17. Killed several of the ants trying to move into the grublings' room

What I didn't do today:
1. Shower
2. Bathe my children
3. MOP the dining room floor
4. Sweep any other room
5. Take out trash/recycling
6. Cat box
7. Nap
8. Water other plants
9. Reschedule appt from Saturday to next weekend
10. Schedule the massage a good friend got me for my birthday (which was last month)
11. 3 more loads of laundry
12. Put away laundry

What I still might do today:
1. Change sheets
2. Watch last week's "The Office" (Please don't spoil it for me!)
3. Read "Fables"
4. Sweep hallway/foyer
5. Put away some laundry

Undoubtedly my most productive day all year. Screw school.

(slip on a banana peel)

Turns out I'm a terrible friend   
11:31pm 03/05/2011
  I sort of half-assedly tried to catch up with an old friend tonight. After actually catching up with another old friend.

Turns out this second friend hates me. HATES me. She had a laundry list of complaints, and basically told me I had a lot of nerve to even bother talking to her.

And she was one of my best friends.

I don't have a lot of experience in my life with losing friends. I generally keep friends. And I thought I was a good friend. Generally speaking.

Turns out I'm not.

So, she's made it very clear how unwelcome I am in her life, and it breaks my heart. It doesn't change anything in any practical way, I haven't seen her in ages and we don't really have any common friends between us... but it still really hurts.

I feel terrible that she feels I've wronged her so much.
I feel terrible if it's true.

And worse, I think she was actually trying to hurt me. To revenge herself on me in some way. To make me pay for being a bad friend.

And that hurts even more.

(8 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

Depressing stuff   
10:22pm 15/04/2011
  When strangers "follow" my blog, I check out their profiles. And sometimes, I am extremely disturbed.

My newest follower keeps a blog of letters to her daughter.

At 17 years old, she came home and had an unexplained seizure that stopped her heart. They took her off life support four days later, and donated her organs.

And this woman writes letters to her dead daughter.

...that's all.

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

Lifey life life   
12:44am 14/04/2011
  This morning, I took my kids to a play-date.

With a couple of crazy Jesus types and their tots.

This went about as well as you can imagine. I tried, oh LORD how I tried, to keep conversation natural, apolitical, and irreligious.

I failed.

Those Jesus mamas, all Texan housewives with their Chicago lawyer husbands... oh man, it was rough.

I'd write about it on my mommy blog, but they READ it! And I do want to try to play nice and all. Because I don't know any kids my kids' age, and I want them to make friends.

I might have to let that go though. I fucking hate other mothers. For the most part, anyway. Really- let's all ask the mom with the twins if she loves one kid more than the other. Sounds like a good way to kill an afternoon.

For real. I've met up with one of these ladies once before, so I'll give this group a third chance. But I'm not optimistic. Really, really, not optimistic.

That is all.

(4 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

I know, I know...   
01:59pm 23/02/2011
  If you wanted to read about what I do as a mom, you'd read my mommy blog.

Well, here it is anyway.

The Stuff of Nightmares

Because it was that kind of a morning.

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

Epic fail   
01:47pm 07/01/2011

(slip on a banana peel)

Let's examine my life philosophy for a moment...   
01:34pm 05/01/2011

(1 unintentionally hilarious moment of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)

It's funny.   
10:44pm 03/01/2011

So if you like funny, check it out. I wrote it. And it's true.

(slip on a banana peel)

What I've been up to   
11:07am 30/12/2010

I think it's going to be funny.

(slip on a banana peel)

Holiday cards!   
01:15pm 06/12/2010
mood: cheerful
Who wants one? Comment with your address if you do! I'll screen for your privacy. :)

(...two baby New Years last winter.)

(slip on a banana peel)

Vote for me!   
09:16pm 27/11/2010
  My mommy blog is a finalist in the Bump's second annual Mommy Blog competition!

I'm nominated in the Multiples category. And I could win fabulous prizes!

And you can vote as often as you like! So please- vote now! Vote in a few minutes! Vote before breakfast!

Thanks so much, :)

(3 unintentionally hilarious moments of minor human tragedy |slip on a banana peel)